He Makes Me To Lie Down

My Journey

I sleep and sleep often. There are days I sleep 20 hours out of 24 getting up only when "R" wakes me to drink or wraps his arms around me and walks me to the bathroom. It takes effort to hold my head up. My arms feel weighted. My mind is so fuzzy so deep in a fog I make no sense when speaking.

For 3 years I have dealt with this, no one other than "R" understands, I get platitudes from my daughters, my sister and brother. Employer fired me, girl friends at Bible study commiserate but don't understand. Doctor has no clue because all blood work comes back "normal". What is it, why do I feel like I am dieing and no body understands? No body gets it.

My life has changed to the point that I never take for granted not needing a nap. Good health is a blessing that God has given many. Those same people take that health for granted.

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving while at my sister's house with the whole family that I felt a crash descending upon me. Making quick good byes before dessert, trying to get home before I can't stand up, before my head falls on my chest and I can't make it up the stair. I am in such a rush so focused that I don't notice families reactions. Sister is a nurse, she observes, takes notice of my condition, my abilities and inabilities. She sees the body changing, the slurred speech my head hanging. We get home, R helps me up the stairs, slowly, one. at. a. time, painstakingly slow. The bedroom, my bed seems so far away. Making it there, I strip leaving clothes on the floor, crawling into bed and feeling the cool sheets.

I cannot say that what happens next is sleep, it is deeper than that. This state is not refreshing, I don't wake reinvigorated. My eyes open, I wait, listen and my eyes close again and I slip back in to this state.

Sister calls to check on me, relates what she saw and what she researched on the net. My instructions were to call the Doc. God bless my doctor, he listened and admitted he was stumped. I asked for a 60 trial of DHEA from the Compounding Pharmacy. Doc actually talks to the Compounding Pharmacist and agrees to this trial. I take 2, 5mg in the morning, and 1, 5mg in the late afternoon.

For the first time in 3 years I feel hope, the possibility of a diagnosis. I don't care about a cure, just a name for this whatever it is I am feeling. I ask friends to pray for a diagnosis.

Our God is an awesome God, we have a name.

Now I learn to live with Addison's disease.