I sleep and sleep often. There are days I sleep 20 hours out of 24 getting up only when "R" wakes me to drink or wraps his arms around me and walks me to the bathroom. It takes effort to hold my head up. My arms feel weighted. My mind is so fuzzy so deep in a fog I make no sense when speaking.
For 3 years I have dealt with this, no one other than "R" understands, I get platitudes from my daughters, my sister and brother. Employer fired me, girl friends at Bible study commiserate but don't understand. Doctor has no clue because all blood work comes back "normal". What is it, why do I feel like I am dieing and no body understands? No body gets it.
My life has changed to the point that I never take for granted not needing a nap. Good health is a blessing that God has given many. Those same people take that health for granted.
It was the weekend before Thanksgiving while at my sister's house with the whole family that I felt a crash descending upon me. Making quick good byes before dessert, trying to get home before I can't stand up, before my head falls on my chest and I can't make it up the stair. I am in such a rush so focused that I don't notice families reactions. Sister is a nurse, she observes, takes notice of my condition, my abilities and inabilities. She sees the body changing, the slurred speech my head hanging. We get home, R helps me up the stairs, slowly, one. at. a. time, painstakingly slow. The bedroom, my bed seems so far away. Making it there, I strip leaving clothes on the floor, crawling into bed and feeling the cool sheets.
I cannot say that what happens next is sleep, it is deeper than that. This state is not refreshing, I don't wake reinvigorated. My eyes open, I wait, listen and my eyes close again and I slip back in to this state.
Sister calls to check on me, relates what she saw and what she researched on the net. My instructions were to call the Doc. God bless my doctor, he listened and admitted he was stumped. I asked for a 60 trial of DHEA from the Compounding Pharmacy. Doc actually talks to the Compounding Pharmacist and agrees to this trial. I take 2, 5mg in the morning, and 1, 5mg in the late afternoon.
For the first time in 3 years I feel hope, the possibility of a diagnosis. I don't care about a cure, just a name for this whatever it is I am feeling. I ask friends to pray for a diagnosis.
Our God is an awesome God, we have a name.
Now I learn to live with Addison's disease.
What I believe
I believe in God, my Father, my Almighty, the Ancient of Days. I believe in Genesis 1:1. I believe that everything is possible with Him through Him. I believe He has marked me as His. I believe that all my sins melted off with the grace of forgiveness when I was baptized as an adult. I believe my life began anew that day as the sins of my past were washed away.
I believe in Jesus Christ the only son of the Father. I believe Jesus left the majesty and glory of Heaven to suffer the indignity of humanness. I believe Jesus suffered for my sins and through his death I am forgiven. I believe that Jesus conquered death and evil by rising from the dead. I believe the Shroud of Turin is real.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, my guide, God who dwells within me, who gives me strength and now leads and teaches me.
I believe in forgiveness of sins, that all life is precious regardless of quality, intellect, age or wholeness. I believe that everyone and everything has a divine purpose, I believe in the sanctity of life at any age. I believe that God condemns those who take advantage of the poor. I believe that I cannot divorce my religion from my relationships. I believe true religion should result in righteous acts. I believe that God requires not only personal righteousness but also social responsibility. I believe in anonymous acts.
I believe that the Bible is true and God breathed, II Timothy 3:16. I believe that God will come again to judge all mankind. I believe in salvation, forgiveness of sins and life ever lasting.